


Inundated with the fated thought of you...

by HellLucifer (JanviRakshi)



Category: The Tarot Sequence - K.D. Edwards
Genre: Angst, Awkwardness, Bad Flirting, First Kiss, Fluff, JUST KISS OH MY GOD, Just idiots too, Kissing in the Rain, M/M, Mutual Pining, They are so in love, Where is the angst? Its' just fluffy love, tags will be updated as the story goes on
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-09-14
Updated: 2020-09-14
Packaged: 2021-03-06 23:27:58
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,887
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26463406
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/JanviRakshi/pseuds/HellLucifer
Summary: Anton Saint Joshua and Mayan Saint Joshua. Lord Tower and his Companion. They have had to kiss at least once in all the four or five centuries they have lived right?Well, they did. 3 times at least, if you could believe it.(3 times Anton and Mayan kissed when they were not supposed to and 1 time they said " Screw it" and kissed in front of everyone else.)
Relationships: Mayan Saint Joshua/Lord Tower | Anton Saint Joshua
Comments: 3
Kudos: 9





	Inundated with the fated thought of you...

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Astrumiel](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Astrumiel/gifts).



> Happy Birthday Strumi! Keep on being as awesome and writing that angst forever! love you!  
> This fic has been in my head for months now. I would ask very humbly to not judge me much because this is literally first time I wrote dialogues. And [redacted][redacted].  
> The literally hugest thank you to [Cy](https://archiveofourown.org/users/oxymoronbby) who is my beta and the saviour of my life and the dialogues and basically everything.  
> Enjoy!

1\. Mayan doesn’t remember a time before Anton. His very first memory is trying to stop Anton from tumbling into the fireplace from the bed. His next clear memory is of pawing clumsily at Anton until he stops crying. Anton was always there in his mind, in front of him, in his soul. Anton was his world and he knew he was Anton’s everything.

It took seventeen year old Mayan accidentally seeing Lord Tower slapping his own Companion to understand how little of Anton’s was actually his. And it took Mayan having to witness the Companion fall on his knees and beg for forgiveness to realize exactly _how_ much of his own was Anton’s to control. Anton was the son and heir Scion of Lord Tower; the crown prince of the Dagger Throne, and Mayan—Mayan was his Companion. Mayan was Anton’s bodyguard, his shadow. Nothing more. Never to be anything anymore.

Well, someone should have warned his heart of that. Before he made _that_ mistake, before he went heart first into a lake of despair that washed over him every time he saw Anton. Beautiful Anton who was probably better off without a pining Companion following him like a puppy.

Could you really blame him though? Anton was… gorgeous. The ways his eyes light up whenever he spots something sweet to eat (honey cake, Mayan’s mind interjects); his small smile when Mayan does something stupid (Mayan does not do stupid things consciously, he doesn’t); his rumpled hair when he wakes up from sleep; the way he moves when he practices with his daggers… Look, Mayan could go on forever. But he can’t. He cannot do that to Anton.

Lord Tower was very staunch on his opinion that Companions were lesser than their Scions. They were human, weren’t they? And _everyone_ knows humans are weak. If he ever got to know about the extent of Mayan’s feelings for Anton, he would definitely have their Bond severed. Or Anton punished, maybe even sent away. Mayan couldn’t afford that. He would die without Anton, but this wasn’t about him. Lord Tower was already exceedingly hard on Anton. Cruel sometimes. Mayan would protect Anton from everything and everyone with his life and his heart. Even from his own father.

So, Mayan was stuck, pining over his Scion like the screw up he is, watching Anton grow up to be remarkable, but always one step behind him. A shadow, never to be seen nor to be heard, but always present; a step ahead of danger. Anton was flourishing, becoming powerful and proficient in every field and Mayan felt so proud of him. So _damn_ proud of him.

Mayan was honestly ready to spend the rest of his life like this. Looking at Anton, admiring him from afar, and keeping him as safe as he could. Mayan would give up his soul for Anton and he was more than prepared to never let Anton get an inkling of that.

Well, that would have been easier if Anton didn’t start behaving fucking weirdly. Mayan compliments him on being able to disarm him? Anton looks up at him and blushes. Mayan fetches him a glass of water after a hard practice session? A small peck on the cheek is his thank you. And the constant lip-biting! Mayan is going to through himself out of the window if Anton bites his lip one more fucking time.

Mayan started being suspicious the day Anton tripped and fell into a puddle. Mayan still couldn’t exactly figure what happened. It was most possibly not his poor form in training. Anton can be dramatic (and Mayan loved that about him) but it’s not like Anton has better stances than him. Mayan had rushed to help him up and Anton had just shied a bit from him, spluttered with his cheeks red and had then run away without another word.

Even hugs are weird now! Anton starts initiating them, despite being against “too much public affection” as he used to call them. Mayan has had to almost grovel to be allowed to hug Anton before. Now? Now, Anton would suddenly grab him and wrap his arms around him like he was an escaping honey cake.

Look, Mayan isn’t an idiot. He knows the symptoms of being infatuated with someone (Mayan Saint Joshua was very familiar with the symptoms), but Anton had never given any indication that he was interested in him like that or, even interested in men at all. Till now, all of Anton’s puppy crushes had been on female Scions (those had been painful to go through). Mayan does not want to be led on by something that does not exist.

If, if Anton knows about his feelings for him.., if Anton is trying to tease him about them… No. Anton may be callous sometimes but he isn’t that cruel. Still, the image of Anton looking up at him through his lashes fills his mind and suddenly Mayan is sure that Anton knows. Anton knows and he thinks that they are something to joke about.

Mayan for the first time in his life understands what heartbreak is.

A few days are spent analyzing every bit of interaction Anton and Mayan had had in the past few weeks, and trying not to burst into sobs every time he sees (or remembers) Anton. Mayan is almost a hundred percent certain that Anton is aware that Mayan is in love with him. He is even more sure that Anton is mocking him and that hurts.

So Mayan… Mayan makes a hasty decision. As the Companion of the heir Scion of the Tower Arcana, Mayan had been trained at home by the best Companions and other Atlanteans. He had been spared of having to attend the Companion school – Forteza Academy just like Anton had been spared of Magnus Academy. Maybe, maybe it was time to finally attend the Academy. Get away for a while (seven years, that is probably long enough), get over his feelings, and return a new man and a better Companion. Yes. That will be the best decision for everyone.

Having made up his mind, Mayan goes and talks to Lord Tower’s Companion - William (Mayan almost winces when he sees the fading bruise on his cheek) and William very confusedly hands him the guidelines to Forteza Academy. Mayan sneakily ignores the cues every time Will tries to ask him why and comes out of his office with his heart as heavy as a rock. He leaves in exactly a week.

(He doesn’t mention this decision to Anton. He knows, he knows that he should, but his poor, love-battered heart would not be able to take Anton’s look of relief.)

This comes to bite him in the back very badly the night before he leaves for Forteza. It had been raining heavily for the past two days and that night was no exception. Mayan had gotten up for a quick walk as sleep continued to evade him, dreams of Anton and him together tormenting his mind, when he spots a grainy, dark figure crouching near one of the fountains. Mayan instantly straightens up, hand going to the knife he has concealed in the lining of his sleep pants. Something in his head tells him that it’s no one other than Anton and Mayan decides to trust it. Slowly edging into the night towards the fountain, Mayan called out hesitantly,

“Anton? That you?”

Their Bond instantly flared up, pain and anger coming through with almost a disarming amount of force. Mayan stumbles back a step, instantly sure of what this is about.

“Anton. Please. Look at me?”

Anton does not look at him. He is sitting on the edge of the fountain, slowly trailing his hand along in the water. Mayan pleads again, heart seized up in his chest.

“Come on, Ant.”

Anton looks up so suddenly Mayan almost fears that he has wrenched his neck.  
“You don’t get to call me that!” Anton hisses.

Mayan can swear he can feel his heart slowly ooze out through his ribs. He had been the only one allowed to shorten Anton’s name in any way. A privilege Mayan had always been in awe of.

He stutters out “What?”

Anton seems to shake with anger for a moment before he bares his teeth once. “I said- you don’t get to call me that anymore. Get lost.”

“Ant-Anton, please…” Mayan trails off, not knowing what to say anymore. He considers groveling on his knees for one moment but the image of Will doing the same crosses his mind and he cannot control his flinch. Anton almost looks pained for a second before a quiet calm takes over his face. Mayan wants to reach out and scrub that look out. He detests that look. It only appears when Anton is getting scolded by his father or is being punished by a teacher. A façade so critically formed that even Mayan sometimes falls victim to its deception.

“Anton, if this is about Forteza..”

“Of-fucking course its about Forteza!” Would you blame Mayan if he is grateful that Anton is angry again?

“You didn’t tell me. YOU DIDN’T FUCKING TELL ME!”

Moonlight shines over Anton’s face for a second and Mayan loses track of the conversation for a second when it makes Anton’s eyes glint like axinites. Mayan sends a quick prayer of thanks up to Lady Moon.

Anton narrows his eyes for a second and then he seems to lose all fight. He flags against himself. Mayan barely catches the next words he utters.

“Do you hate me that much?”

“What the fuck are you talking about? I have never hated you, I cannot even imagine hating you, but that doesn’t mean you’re making it fucking easy.” For a moment Mayan was quiet but Anton was angry enough to drop the facade. Mayan couldn’t bear to hear any words. “I thought you hated me, I thought you were mocking me. I couldn’t─”

“Then why didn’t you leave earlier?” Anton was back to his awful calm. Mayan was so close to punching himself for not letting him speak. “If you thought you were being _mocked_ then why are you still here?”

“You don’t know what you are doing to me.”

“Do you hate me?”

“Anton, I have never hated you.”

“Then why do you run away now? Now, when I started to return your affections.” Anton seemed close to tears and Mayan hated himself for a moment. And then, just like that, the tears were gone again. That awful fucking calm. Mayan wanted to hurt everyone that forced Anton to develop this screwed expression, this ridiculous lie.

Resigned but still so fucking angry, Mayan said, “Return my affections? Those lip-bites, and, and all those hugs. That was not you making fun of me!? That was not you mocking me?"

“I was flirting!” He sounded so uptight and offended that it was almost adorable.

“Anton I am not one of your fucking teachers, stop looking at me like… like…”

“Like I don’t love you” That was good, no matter what he said he was at least showing emotion. “Maybe I don’t. You surely didn't see it.”

Mayan’s brain stumbles into a halt. “You love me?”

“You’re not making it easy.”

Anton looks tearfully at him. Above them, thunder booms abruptly, and in that harsh, silvery light Mayan sees the truth in Anton’s eyes. Sees the pain, sees the anger. Sees the heart-wrenching love, familiar only because he sees himself mirrored in Anton’s eyes.

Mayan begins to cry. Sobs are pulled from somewhere deep within his chest, painful sobs, relieved sobs. Cold, clammy hands slowly touch his face and Mayan tugs Anton nearer and just... falls into him. Cold lips touch colder, chapped ones and Mayan is home.

Warmth envelops him even as the rain rages on around them. Nothing else exists right then, just gasping breaths and the push of lips against each other. Somewhere along the way, Mayan’s tears have dried up.

They stay there for a long time. Caught up in themselves, a cocoon of love and adoration protecting them from the rain.

Eventually they break apart, still clutching each other desperately. Mayan feels like he is floating on a cloud, heart as light as a feather. He thumbs Anton's cheek, fruitlessly wiping away the raindrops glistening on his cheek bone and then cups his face. Anton slowly sighs and then nuzzles into Mayan's hand. And then  
"This means you are staying, right?"

Mayan lets go of Anton's face.

"My..?"

Mayan barely stops himself from flinching outright- "Anton... I can't."

Anton swallows once. His eyes fill up with tears once more and Mayan surges forward, unable to be the cause of Anton's pain yet once more.  
"I gave Will my word... I am doing this for you. So I can be a better Companion," he says desperately, clutching at Anton.

Anton looks heartbroken. "I don't want you to be a better Companion! I want you to stay here with me, and...be happy _here_. With me!"

Mayan huffs a laugh. It sounds bitter to even his own ears.

"I promised myself when I was six that I would be the very best Companion to ever exist. Not for me...no." Mayan resolutely does not look at Anton while he says this.

"I love you, Anton Saint Joshua. I have loved you before I knew what love was. And if that means that I have to leave you, so that you can be safe? If that means that I have to walk away from you right now, so that I can watch you become Lord Tower one day—respected not feared?" Mayan takes a stuttering breath.

"I am not going to stay Anton. Not this time. Forteza is going to make me worthy of you, then even if leaving hurts like a _bitch_ , I am not going to stay Ant. I promise you, we will be happy one day."

Anton visibly tightens himself up before him.

"So this is goodbye then. Huh?"

"Not unless you are going to hide away from me tomorrow when I leave."  
Anton slightly smiles—Mayan wants to kiss that smile for the rest of his life.

"Tomorrow… is still some time away."Anton says, a hopeful expression caught in his eyes. "If I don't get to kiss you for seven more years, then I think we should make up for that today."

"I don't know, Ant." Mayan smirks, "that is a lot of kissing."

"If we start now, we may have a chance." Anton tugs Mayan away from the rain towards their rooms.

Mayan knows that this fixes barely anything. But right now, he can't bring himself to think of what tomorrow means. He pulls Anton to him and let's himself get lost in Anton's lips, and Anton's hands in his hair and Anton, Anton Anton…

The next day, Mayan and Anton go towards the waiting carriage together, hand in hand. They both knew it was risky to show this much affection for each other, but neither of them could care for that right now. A somber mood had enveloped them. Mayan couldn't help but wish desperately that they had more time. More time to be with each other. More to time to see what was this thing blooming between them. More time before their small little flower of love was cut in the bud because of duties and past foolishness.

As the carriage comes into view, Mayan can feel Anton's grip on him getting tighter. He barks at the guard standing watch to give them both some privacy and then turns around to look at Mayan.

Before Mayan could say a word, Anton kisses his cheek and lingers there; standing on his tip-toes, just breathing in Mayan. Then he whispers,  
_"Come back home safe, My. Come back home safe to me."_

Mayan gulps once, swallowing back the tears and the all broken wishes he has had, because now every plan they might have had is gone. He knows (hopes) it's for the better, because if it’s not, then what’s the fucking point of this—teary eyes and long embraces and these awful goodbyes, knowing he’s just about to leave Anton for years. There’s a quiet between them right now but their Bond is loud and alive with love, adoration and sadness.

"Write to me or I will burn off your hair the next time I see you." Anton chokes out.

"No, you won't. You like it too much."

"No. I won't. Just, write. _Please_."

And then—

Then it's goodbye. Till now, the longest they had gone without seeing each other had been a week, when Anton had to go on a lone trip with his father, and that had almost made them distraught; and now Mayan was leaving for seven years.  
Mayan wonders how he is going to survive without waking up each day to see sleep-rumpled Anton grumpily fall into his chest trying to get some more sleep.

Getting a grip on himself, Mayan extracts himself from Anton's arms and marches towards the carriage, not allowing himself to look back anymore.  
He climbs into the carriage, shuts down the window and ignores Anton's calls of goodbye. And as tears begin to unashamedly fall from his eyes, Mayan feels alone. So alone.

**Author's Note:**

> So...  
> Umm, comments and kudos will be stored away in my dragon chest and brought put every five minutes to look at adoringly.


End file.
